I have
neighbor who has an obnoxious little Chihuahua mix. It was a total pain in the
ass kind of dog…hyper, barking, pooping, biting, pissing kind of dog. I watched
how she trained him.
When the dog
was calm (rarely) and not pooping or pissing in the house, she pretty well
ignored him.
When the dog
was being his normal and irritating self, she would launch into prolonged
didactics aimed at the dog. She would withhold treats 6 hours after he had
misbehaved as though he would understand. She could not understand what she was
doing wrong.
After explaining
that a stupid Chihuahua could not connect a behavior from hours ago with the
current punishment, I helped to train her how to have a better dog. Punishment
for infractions were loud, swift and immediate. Then…nothing more. When the dog
was doing a wanted behavior, he was quickly rewarded and the reward was lonnnnnng
and “BIG”. I showed her how to “good puppy” her dog.
The dog has
calmed, considerably, and exhibits good behavior as the “norm” now. This is
Behavior Modification in its purest form. I call it the “carrot and the
toothpick” approach. I give the carrot often and without hesitation for ANY wanted behaviors. Unwanted
behaviors are greeted with a quick stab of the toothpick to the ass (figuratively)
with a sharp “NO!” and then back to
the carrot if the behavior is corrected.
When men do
something wrong and we have to endure the prolonged admonishments, we hear, “blah, blah,
blah…you always…blah, blah, blah”. Yes ladies, we tune you out. When we manage
to get our dirty clothes into the hamper instead of dumped in a heap in the middle of the floor, we get a brief and tepid, “thanks”…period.
Using the
carrot and the toothpick approach, here is how to treat your man like a dog:
He manages
to actually bring in his dishes from the living room and to get them into the
sink, what do you do? Is this a behavior that you want him to continue? You
make a big deal out of it. Praise him. Explain how much you appreciate his help
and how it makes you feel like he cares about you. Go on and on. Next time, he may even rinse
them and get them into the dishwasher. Again, BIG carrot time! Heap the praises
on him. He will love it and work his ass off to get more.
So, now he
left a slice of bologna on the floor and during the night, you slipped on it
while getting a glass of water. Tell him that what he did was rude and
inconsiderate…and then stop!
Men have a 5
second attention span when we are being scolded. Anything more than that is a
waste of time. Remember the toothpick. Jam it (again, figuratively) into his
ass and then walk away. We will know we screwed up and you don’t need to try to
explain it in 137 different ways to make us understand. Think “BAD dog!” and
let it go.
Men need to
be petted and told we are doing well. At first, it may be every time. Over
time, you can look for that expectant look from us and give us the occasional “Good
dog!” as a reinforcement for wanted behaviors. Make sure the "GOOD dog" is long and sincere.
So…does it
work? Remember, this is my program. I taught it to my ex-wife and she used my
own program on me. Even though I
knew she was using the program…MY
program…on me, it worked.
